Ask once nicely, once firmly and then take action. To indicate disapproval, use a firmer, lower, authoritative tone, but don’t shout.Īvoid nagging. Any hint of uncertainty and you’re more likely to be ignored, debated (But “please, can't I just.”), or guilt-tripped (“It’s soo unfair”). When indicating limits, sound definite and confident. Use an up-beat, encouraging, positive tone as much as possible. How you say something is as important, if not more important, as what you say Subtle differences in words, tone and body language may affect whether your child tunes in or out. To get your child to listen, think carefully about exactly how you communicate. “If only I could make that orange juice into your favourite apple juice” How to Communicate “You’d really like it if you could stay up later” It’s crucial to accept feelings and resist the temptation to make things better by denying them (“hey, there’s no reason to be so upset”).ĭiffuse difficult situations by giving your child his wishes in fantasy. “You’re disappointed that we have to leave now” Often behind what your child is saying (or even behind how they are acting, if not yet talking) is a feeling. Stop what you are doing, turn to your child, make eye contact and listen to what they are saying.Īcknowledge what your child is saying with a non-committal, simple “mmm”, “I see,” “oh,” “right”. Most importantly, if you listen to your child, they are more likely to listen to you. Being listened to can cause difficult feelings to evaporate - cue less moaning, fewer tantrums, fewer tears. But when a child is not feeling listened to, they are more likely to whinge, shout or throw a tantrum to get your attention.Ĭareful listening shows that you respect your child’s feelings and gives them space to explore a problem and, often, find their own solution. Clinical Psychologist Dr Victoria Samuel has advice for parents who want to improve communication with their childīefore you can expect your child to listen, you need to ensure you really listen to your child.Īs a parent, the pressure of the constant 101 things that need to get done can sometimes make it hard to listen. A child who is defiant, stubbornly refuses to cooperate and ignores simple requests can make every day feel like an uphill struggle. Children’s selective hearing is a big source of frustration for parents.
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